Polyvagal Theory and Anxiety: Befriend Your Nervous System

The Polyvagal Theory explains how autonomic states are responses to safety and danger. Anxiety is a survival response, but to understand this, you have to befriend your nervous system.

Polyvagal Theory says the nervous system is queen. 

But all you hear in your mind and feel in your body, is that there’s something wrong with you. 

If you’re anything like me, that’s a haunting limiting belief you’ve harbored for too long. 

Your emotions are too much, yet you’re not enough at the same time. Your emotions feel like they are too burdensome to dispel on others, yet left inside, they eat you alive. 

I’m going to tell you a personal story when this belief was turned on its head for me. 

I had just had my first panic attack. I had no idea what the fuck that even was or why it was happening to me. The word triggered wasn’t even in my vocabulary. I didn’t identify with being an anxious person. I was just angry. Red hot rage angry, and I didn’t know why. The weight of the anger was interpreted by me as something was wrong with me and I partied and overachieved my way through life.   

An elder in my family offered the solution that I may be experiencing panic attacks because in my single digit year of four, I was inappropriately sexually touched.  A conscious memory I do not own. 

 In that instant, in my bones, in my gut, my first initial reaction was relief.

Because that meant something wrong happened to me, but that in fact there was NOTHING wrong WITH me. 

The relief turned into many different emotions through the years, but it was an Aha moment. 

Fast forward to a decade later. Having experienced the extremes of emotional distress, anxiety, and numbness, that old belief resurfaced. There’s something wrong with me.  

The Polyvagal theory brought with it the same kind of relief.

The same Aha. The same freedom from believing there was something wrong with me. But this time it transformed that belief into compassion and a deep commitment to befriend my nervous system. 

I want that for you too. That deep honoring of your nervous system. But to get there we got to get a little sciencey and a little curious about your nervous system through the lens of the Polyvagal Theory. 

Let’s dive in. 

Polyvagal Theory shows illuminates how the autonomic nervous system controls our internal environment automatically. It works below our level of consciousness and is a completely natural and organic system. 

There are two branches of the autonomic nervous system

Sympathetic: Activates the flight & fight response 

Parasympathetic: Sometimes called rest & digest, but this system is an energy conserver 

These branches work together and in response to safety and danger. That means, we automatically adjust to cues of safety or danger. Now what’s fascinating is, these cues can be from the external environment, within our own bodies, or simply from our perception. 

And perception here TRUMPS reality. 

It’s not only about if you are safe, but if you FEEL safe. 

Every autonomic response from your autonomic nervous system then is in service of finding safety and surviving. 

At the heart of anxiety is an inability to feel safe. And therefore, a continuation of being stuck in survival mode. And there are consequences when we get stuck here. Such as burnout, panic attacks, repeated trauma, physical illness… 

I want you to ask yourself today, “Do I FEEL safe? Does my body feel safe? 

The Polyvagal Theory states that our autonomic nervous system automatically adjusts between THREE different modes of being and experiencing ourselves and the world. These modes or states adjust based on cues of safety or danger. They occur in a specific order and there are consequences if we get stuck in a particular state chronically. We cannot choose the state, but we can influence them. 

The three states are referred to as safe & social, flight & fight, and lastly shut down. These are reactions to safety and danger and become filters we view our internal and external world through. 

These states can be thought of as steps on a ladder, as they are stacked on top of each other in the body and move from oldest to newest in the evolutionary lens.

Polyvagal Theory And the three states

Safe and Social

This is where you ideally want to exist. This state controls the heart and facial expression. In your safe and social state your social engagement system is in full effect.

⁣When you feel safe, you can take a deeper breath from your belly. Your heart rate is slower. You can be stillness. You can converse. Saliva and digestion are stimulated. You’re primed for health because oxygen is available for restoration. Your cognitive skills, collaboration capacity, and problem-solving ability are firing. You make eye contact and can be in close proximity to others. 

Fight and Fight

This state is activated when your nervous system picks up cues of danger. The message is sent to the nervous system that life is dangerous. This state is stacked in the middle of the ladder, or the middle of the spinal column. This state is activated by the sympathetic nervous system and controls the limbs and prepares the body for mobilization. 

Shutdown 

And lastly, the oldest evolutionary system, is freeze or shutdown. This system is located in the belly or the gut. It is activated when the nervous system picks up the cue of not only danger, but that your life is in danger. 

To learn more about the three different states in Polyvagal Theory read my blog Polyvagal Theory and The Three States of Being.

You may be wondering how does the nervous system detect safety or danger. And the answer is Neuroception. Let me walk you through this. 

That panic attack that just came out of nowhere. Ask yourself, did it really come out of nowhere?

Yes, you say. They are so unpredictable. The trigger could have been from the wrong sound, smell, taste, look, environment, energy etc. 

Eventually that trigger will become identifiable. I assure you that. But not until you align with your autonomic nervous system and understand the process of neuroception. 

Neuroception is the body’s ability to detect risk outside of our conscious awareness. The risk identified (outside of your awareness) could be from the external environment, inside your body, or from your perception of something. 

The detection is brought into the nervous system through the senses. 

Depending on the information your autonomic nervous system neurocepts, will determine your mind and body’s response. 

We automatically adjust to safety or danger within our autonomic nervous system through neuroception. 

If your nervous system neurocepts safety cues, you will be capable of receiving and reciprocating pro social behavior. This looks like:

• Eye contact

• Fuller range of voice

• Safe touch

• Being in closer proximity 

Versus if your nervous system neurocepts danger cues, behavior will reflect that of flight, fight, or freeze. 

Neuroception is responsible for shifting the body between the three different states. The three states unlock different behavior patterns. We lose the ability to behave in pro social ways when we sense danger and move into survival states. Defensive behaviors are then survival based. 

It’s so important to understand that there are healthy and unhealthy neuroception responses, and this is correlated with trauma. 

With healthy neuroception the body detects and shifts to appropriate state based on environment. You are able to use socially healthy behavior in safe environment and the body doesn’t throw up defenses unless in danger.  

When neuroception is unhealthy, the body doesn’t accurately detect or shift states based on environment. The body doesn’t fight or flee in unsafe situations and doesn’t use social behavior in safe environments. You cannot recognize red flags or aren’t picking them up.

This is a trauma response. 

The Polyvagal Theory also demonstrates that when you shift states, you create a story to explain why. 

“I deserve it”

“I knew better”

The story is an attempt to make meaning of an experience, but often isn’t rooted in reality. 

In the Polyvagal Theory, stories follow states. Often the story is filled with shame, perpetuating its believability. 

Understanding these different states helps to understand the thoughts that race through your mind and the physiological responses you are experiencing in your body when anxious. There is relief in knowing your nervous system is just trying to protect you. And it’s so encouraging to know that you can move back up to safety. The Polyvagal Theory helps to explain the experience of anxiety through understanding the nervous system.